I wish I knew the right thing to say all the time. I can see how much you're hurting. And I now how much I want to help...but I can't. I will be here to support you and love you no matter what you choose. You are strong and you can do this. Even though we haven't known each other that long and aren't that close, I will be here for you when others won't.
I see your heart breaking and being ripped in two entirely different directions and it hurts me. My heart hurts for you because the thing is...I have felt the pain you are feeling now. I know how much you long for this deep down, despite how hard it would be and despite what everyone is saying and telling you to do.
I will pray unceasingly for this life to be saved. My heart aches for you.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Monday, February 8, 2010
Exhausted
My, what a whirlwind of a trip. I am back home in the States and it has been some ridiculous jet lag, no sleep, and worse sickness then when I first got to India. But God is so...good. I can't even begin to describe the beauty and the miracles I saw Him work in India. I am physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally exhausted..but I wouldn't have it any other way. It's really hard to have to go back to work so soon, I have a feeling this won't help me get over jet lag being up til 11 working ha.
But it's ok. I just want to rest. Rest in Him. Just simply..rest. I don't want to even process...it's really hard for me to process after an intense trip to a place like India. I feel that if I don't look at the photos...my heart won't have to break for those people again. I want it to, it's just so hard.
ohh and Avanthika. What a beautiful thing it was seeing her again. I feel God gave me so many promises for her. She's going to be okay. However, that orphanage is still an evil place, and those babies need protection they aren't getting. I wish there was more I could do from here. But there isn't other than pray.
This is going to be a rough time.
But it's ok. I just want to rest. Rest in Him. Just simply..rest. I don't want to even process...it's really hard for me to process after an intense trip to a place like India. I feel that if I don't look at the photos...my heart won't have to break for those people again. I want it to, it's just so hard.
ohh and Avanthika. What a beautiful thing it was seeing her again. I feel God gave me so many promises for her. She's going to be okay. However, that orphanage is still an evil place, and those babies need protection they aren't getting. I wish there was more I could do from here. But there isn't other than pray.
This is going to be a rough time.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
On Christ the solid Rock I stand...All other ground is sinking sand.
Oy Vei...Been in India a week and a half now. What a crazy journey this has been!!
First, we flew into Chennai, but then I jumped on a plane to Varanasi for the week with Ginny. Varanasi is the number 1 hindu pilgramage in all of India. It was an...interesting and heavy place. But very glad we got to see it. I think I will be praying about doing a School of Hindu studies there. I think it would be a good basis for living here, just to have a better understanding of the Hindu culture. Anywhoo..it was fantastic reuniting with Ginny :)
Then after a week there I TRIED to fly back to Chennai..and it ended up turning into a 20 hour ordeal when it should have only been 7. My flight got delayed, so I missed my connection, booked a new ticket, that flight got canceled. Then the next plane wasn't until the next morning and then THAT plane was delayed 4 hours. Needless to say it was scary doing that by myself, but I met an American couple that I hung close to during that. Then finally got to Chennai and reunited with Emily and Adam from Holmtsed!! It was a beautiful reunion and it was great getting to know the India team from Holmsted that is here now.
Chennai has been so amazing. Very surreal being back here. I absolutely adore the family we're staying with...they are so hospitible and have been great. Also--I finally saw Avanthika aggain after a year. That was a beautiful reunion as well. I didnt approach her right away at first, but she was quietly watching me the whole time, so when I finally went up to her, she jumped into my arms and I started crying so much!! :) But it was great seeing her again. The orphanage is still a hard and awful place to be in...but I know God has them all in His hands, it's just hard to trust and believe that with my heart. Either way, just a short and rushed update, but just letting you all know how India has been so far :) Thank you SO much for your continual prayers. It helps so much. We get back to the States in 2 weeks and would love to catch up :)
Much love...
xx
First, we flew into Chennai, but then I jumped on a plane to Varanasi for the week with Ginny. Varanasi is the number 1 hindu pilgramage in all of India. It was an...interesting and heavy place. But very glad we got to see it. I think I will be praying about doing a School of Hindu studies there. I think it would be a good basis for living here, just to have a better understanding of the Hindu culture. Anywhoo..it was fantastic reuniting with Ginny :)
Then after a week there I TRIED to fly back to Chennai..and it ended up turning into a 20 hour ordeal when it should have only been 7. My flight got delayed, so I missed my connection, booked a new ticket, that flight got canceled. Then the next plane wasn't until the next morning and then THAT plane was delayed 4 hours. Needless to say it was scary doing that by myself, but I met an American couple that I hung close to during that. Then finally got to Chennai and reunited with Emily and Adam from Holmtsed!! It was a beautiful reunion and it was great getting to know the India team from Holmsted that is here now.
Chennai has been so amazing. Very surreal being back here. I absolutely adore the family we're staying with...they are so hospitible and have been great. Also--I finally saw Avanthika aggain after a year. That was a beautiful reunion as well. I didnt approach her right away at first, but she was quietly watching me the whole time, so when I finally went up to her, she jumped into my arms and I started crying so much!! :) But it was great seeing her again. The orphanage is still a hard and awful place to be in...but I know God has them all in His hands, it's just hard to trust and believe that with my heart. Either way, just a short and rushed update, but just letting you all know how India has been so far :) Thank you SO much for your continual prayers. It helps so much. We get back to the States in 2 weeks and would love to catch up :)
Much love...
xx
Monday, January 11, 2010
here we go...
It is the eve of our trip to India...we fly out tomorrow around 1pm. Where's the time gone? Can't believe it's already time to leave and say goodbye. I hate goodbyes...but they are necessary to see only the truly dear friends again.
This is it...this is what this whole past year has been building up to. To go back. To feel that burn again. I can't wait. It's so lovely having Emily here...Love having DTS friends be able to see life here at home :)
I am so ready to be consumed by the culture, the smells, the heat again. I feel like my heart thirsts for it. To be used. To love.
My heart could explode at this very moment.
So much love. Will try my hardest to update from the mother land!! :D
xx
This is it...this is what this whole past year has been building up to. To go back. To feel that burn again. I can't wait. It's so lovely having Emily here...Love having DTS friends be able to see life here at home :)
I am so ready to be consumed by the culture, the smells, the heat again. I feel like my heart thirsts for it. To be used. To love.
My heart could explode at this very moment.
So much love. Will try my hardest to update from the mother land!! :D
xx
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Consume Me
1 week. Just 1 week and I'll be back in India. It's so hard to believe.
As I was having breakky with my mom the other day it hit me that I am actually going back. I can't believe how seamlessly everything has worked out...God's hands were over it the whole time. I love that when He wants you to do something, it works out without a flaw. It's amazing.
I am so excited. If you think of it, be praying for our safety and that traveling for 30 hours goes as smoothly as possible :)
love.
xx
As I was having breakky with my mom the other day it hit me that I am actually going back. I can't believe how seamlessly everything has worked out...God's hands were over it the whole time. I love that when He wants you to do something, it works out without a flaw. It's amazing.
I am so excited. If you think of it, be praying for our safety and that traveling for 30 hours goes as smoothly as possible :)
love.
xx
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Meep!
Oh Goodness! 17 days until we head back to India.
I am getting so anxious...Everything has worked out so, so perfectly down to the smallest detail. Everything with flights is panning out splendidly and the time I feel is going to be divided perfectly between Varanasi and Chennai.
I want to go now...can hardly wait to get on a plane and get back to where I left my heart.
As far as the trip goes: We are leaving 12th January and Emily will be in Chennai the whole time and after we fly into Chennai at 2am (!) I jump on a flight up to Varanasi for a week...then after that, a little over 2 weeks in Chennai at the orphanage, Bernard's, and with Avanthika :) Then we fly home 5th February.
As far as Varanasi everything has worked out perfectly with accommodations and while we are there, we will be able to go to some worship times that will be held in Hindi--can't wait! Varanasi itself is absolutely stunning..it is right on the Ganges river and our hotel is right in the heart of the city.
Gah...If only everything here and people here weren't so distracting. I'm getting really, really sick of the same old, mundane things that are constantly going on around me. I am over caught up in that anymore.
My sights and heart are not meant for here.
I am getting so anxious...Everything has worked out so, so perfectly down to the smallest detail. Everything with flights is panning out splendidly and the time I feel is going to be divided perfectly between Varanasi and Chennai.
I want to go now...can hardly wait to get on a plane and get back to where I left my heart.
As far as the trip goes: We are leaving 12th January and Emily will be in Chennai the whole time and after we fly into Chennai at 2am (!) I jump on a flight up to Varanasi for a week...then after that, a little over 2 weeks in Chennai at the orphanage, Bernard's, and with Avanthika :) Then we fly home 5th February.
As far as Varanasi everything has worked out perfectly with accommodations and while we are there, we will be able to go to some worship times that will be held in Hindi--can't wait! Varanasi itself is absolutely stunning..it is right on the Ganges river and our hotel is right in the heart of the city.
Gah...If only everything here and people here weren't so distracting. I'm getting really, really sick of the same old, mundane things that are constantly going on around me. I am over caught up in that anymore.
My sights and heart are not meant for here.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
You hold the Universe..
It baffles me just how sovereign my God is...and how He really does hold everything in his hands...why do I worry so much when I have the God of the Universe on my side?
Something I keep having to get reminded of time and time again: It's all in His hands! I don't need to worry..because he really works everything out. And nothing that is out of His plan will happen. It's all perfectly orchestrated. How beautiful.
Down to the countdown...only 33 days until we fly out for India. I can't believe it's really happening...I can't believe I will get to hold Avanthika in my arms again in a matter of weeks. I don't think it's going to hit me until we are on the plane over. I think this trip is going to be so amazing in several ways. Numero uno: It will be a DTS reunion of sorts with old DTS staff and friends...how lovely :) Numero dos: I really think this trip will be huge for me...going to Varanasi, praying God's plan for me in India out and hopefully getting direction on where I'm called, and seeing Avanthika again...it will be just a reminder of how Big God is...and how even the tiniest orphan has a purpose. and just seeing that expression of God's love again is going to be overwhelming. My heart can't contain itself.
This is what I live for.
xx
Something I keep having to get reminded of time and time again: It's all in His hands! I don't need to worry..because he really works everything out. And nothing that is out of His plan will happen. It's all perfectly orchestrated. How beautiful.
Down to the countdown...only 33 days until we fly out for India. I can't believe it's really happening...I can't believe I will get to hold Avanthika in my arms again in a matter of weeks. I don't think it's going to hit me until we are on the plane over. I think this trip is going to be so amazing in several ways. Numero uno: It will be a DTS reunion of sorts with old DTS staff and friends...how lovely :) Numero dos: I really think this trip will be huge for me...going to Varanasi, praying God's plan for me in India out and hopefully getting direction on where I'm called, and seeing Avanthika again...it will be just a reminder of how Big God is...and how even the tiniest orphan has a purpose. and just seeing that expression of God's love again is going to be overwhelming. My heart can't contain itself.
This is what I live for.
xx
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