New Things

Hello Friends,

So due to my lack of knowledge on how to use blogspot effectively...I have a new blog that I will be using instead of this one.
You can find it at:

http://aandienicole.wordpress.com/


Thanks and Love.
xx

There is a story behind those eyes

Everyone in this world has a story. There is no story too small, too insignificant. It shapes why we think, how we interact, and who we are. It defines how we think and how we view the world. How our souls react to certain things. There is so much to a person if you really listen. Everyone desires to be known, and to know.
I want to hear as many stories as I can in the short time we have. I want to know. To be known.
Tell me your story.

No such thing.

No matter how much I dwell on it, I can't change the past. I can't change the promises that were broken, I can't take back the words I said, or the words you said, I can't change how you used me. I can't change how I took you for granted. The only thing I have control over is how I choose to walk away from this and choose to walk in freedom. You can't take me with you. You can't have that piece of me anymore.
I can throw a pity party and claim how much I hate you, or anyone remotely like you. But there is no such thing as hate when my heart is enveloped in His. He who knows no hate. He who is only about love. I choose right now to wash my hands of you, of everything that happened, and move on. No more obsessing, no more insomnia, no more "what if", no more thinking that I can't shut off. I will be still. I will know that He is God. And I will not worry anymore.

.

I hate feeling like I am at rock bottom again. I hate it.

I know you didn't bring me out here to drown.

I asked God for growth...even if that meant pain. and He gave it to me. I would say "be careful what you wish for" but that would be painting a negative light on it. I'm so glad I got what I prayed for.

A few days ago ago, I spent the entire day in one of my favourite places. Things were going absolutely perfect. Absolutely everything in my life was going amazing. I just spent the day relishing in the joy and peace that I had and thanking God for it all. Then I came to a realization: Am I only praising God when things are easy? I was. I asked God to help me praise him even in the storm and find that same Joy even when my circumstances were awful. I asked him to grow that in me no matter what the cost, no matter how much it hurt....and goodness did He ever.
After that day, a domino effect of things crashing down all around me happened. I will not say it was easy just because I prayed for it. It's wasn't...and isn't, but I am still so thankful God answered my hard prayer. Whatever the cost, whatever is going on around me, I want to praise him. Not curse him for my life going bad...how petty that is! I prayed a hard prayer. And He answered it.

Now comes the strength. Now comes the growth. Now comes the healing.

Happy Accidents.

Something I've realized more and more is how Not in control we really are.
Learning to let things just be and not stress or worry so much.
Because one way or another things work out for the better...even if it's not the way we ever expected them to work out.
Enjoy the awkwardness. Enjoy the fun. Just let life come and enjoy it.

for lack of better words

I wish I knew the right thing to say all the time. I can see how much you're hurting. And I now how much I want to help...but I can't. I will be here to support you and love you no matter what you choose. You are strong and you can do this. Even though we haven't known each other that long and aren't that close, I will be here for you when others won't.
I see your heart breaking and being ripped in two entirely different directions and it hurts me. My heart hurts for you because the thing is...I have felt the pain you are feeling now. I know how much you long for this deep down, despite how hard it would be and despite what everyone is saying and telling you to do.
I will pray unceasingly for this life to be saved. My heart aches for you.

Exhausted

My, what a whirlwind of a trip. I am back home in the States and it has been some ridiculous jet lag, no sleep, and worse sickness then when I first got to India. But God is so...good. I can't even begin to describe the beauty and the miracles I saw Him work in India. I am physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally exhausted..but I wouldn't have it any other way. It's really hard to have to go back to work so soon, I have a feeling this won't help me get over jet lag being up til 11 working ha.
But it's ok. I just want to rest. Rest in Him. Just simply..rest. I don't want to even process...it's really hard for me to process after an intense trip to a place like India. I feel that if I don't look at the photos...my heart won't have to break for those people again. I want it to, it's just so hard.
ohh and Avanthika. What a beautiful thing it was seeing her again. I feel God gave me so many promises for her. She's going to be okay. However, that orphanage is still an evil place, and those babies need protection they aren't getting. I wish there was more I could do from here. But there isn't other than pray.
This is going to be a rough time.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand...All other ground is sinking sand.

Oy Vei...Been in India a week and a half now. What a crazy journey this has been!!
First, we flew into Chennai, but then I jumped on a plane to Varanasi for the week with Ginny. Varanasi is the number 1 hindu pilgramage in all of India. It was an...interesting and heavy place. But very glad we got to see it. I think I will be praying about doing a School of Hindu studies there. I think it would be a good basis for living here, just to have a better understanding of the Hindu culture. Anywhoo..it was fantastic reuniting with Ginny :)
Then after a week there I TRIED to fly back to Chennai..and it ended up turning into a 20 hour ordeal when it should have only been 7. My flight got delayed, so I missed my connection, booked a new ticket, that flight got canceled. Then the next plane wasn't until the next morning and then THAT plane was delayed 4 hours. Needless to say it was scary doing that by myself, but I met an American couple that I hung close to during that. Then finally got to Chennai and reunited with Emily and Adam from Holmtsed!! It was a beautiful reunion and it was great getting to know the India team from Holmsted that is here now.

Chennai has been so amazing. Very surreal being back here. I absolutely adore the family we're staying with...they are so hospitible and have been great. Also--I finally saw Avanthika aggain after a year. That was a beautiful reunion as well. I didnt approach her right away at first, but she was quietly watching me the whole time, so when I finally went up to her, she jumped into my arms and I started crying so much!! :) But it was great seeing her again. The orphanage is still a hard and awful place to be in...but I know God has them all in His hands, it's just hard to trust and believe that with my heart. Either way, just a short and rushed update, but just letting you all know how India has been so far :) Thank you SO much for your continual prayers. It helps so much. We get back to the States in 2 weeks and would love to catch up :)
Much love...
xx

here we go...

It is the eve of our trip to India...we fly out tomorrow around 1pm. Where's the time gone? Can't believe it's already time to leave and say goodbye. I hate goodbyes...but they are necessary to see only the truly dear friends again.

This is it...this is what this whole past year has been building up to. To go back. To feel that burn again. I can't wait. It's so lovely having Emily here...Love having DTS friends be able to see life here at home :)

I am so ready to be consumed by the culture, the smells, the heat again. I feel like my heart thirsts for it. To be used. To love.

My heart could explode at this very moment.

So much love. Will try my hardest to update from the mother land!! :D

xx

Consume Me

1 week. Just 1 week and I'll be back in India. It's so hard to believe.
As I was having breakky with my mom the other day it hit me that I am actually going back. I can't believe how seamlessly everything has worked out...God's hands were over it the whole time. I love that when He wants you to do something, it works out without a flaw. It's amazing.

I am so excited. If you think of it, be praying for our safety and that traveling for 30 hours goes as smoothly as possible :)

love.
xx