Ohmy. I can't believe it's been a year since DTS started. It has flown by so fast, but it feels like just yesterday I was walking into the Manor all groggy from 20 hours of flying! As cliche, as it may sound, I am a completely different person than the one that stepped off that plane a year ago. And in so many ways I never would have expected. Gah! I miss it so much!
At times I absolutely hate being home. It has been so hard. I'd much rather just be back in the YWAM bubble and take the easy way out so to speak :) But I know that's not what God has for me. I feel called to be here in Colorado this next year so I can be strong and work hard in Him. But the past couple months have been by far the darkest since being out of YWAM. Coming out of a bubble like that is hard regardless, and the staff definitely did a great job of preparing us for going home...but each person's story is different going back into normal life.
I have gone downhill a bit with being home. It seems kind of inevitable to me. After going from an environment like DTS, back into reality is quite the shock.
Although I have messed up in different areas and am not as strong as I'd like to be, I feel like God still meets me in that weakness. Something I have definitely noticed that has been a big change since being back is not feeling so hopeless. Before DTS when I was in a constant battle and honestly in a downward spiral...the thing that kept me rooted there was feeling stuck and hopeless and that God wouldn't want me and I didn't really want Him when I was like that.
Now, Even though, yeah, I digressed a bit, I know that his grace is SO sufficent for me in that. And that I'm okay and that I'm still loved no matter what I do. Nothing seperates me from Him except in my mind...and I'm learning how to overcome that. This may just be rantings...but I really feel so..accomplished in the fact that i am not burdened by and stuck in my shortcomings, but that I can make it out of them stronger than before. And that I never have to be stuck.
Hey Andie guess what.
ReplyDeleteI love you <3 I'm so glad that you know what you do now, and that you don't have to be stuck anymore. I've sorta been going through the same thing, but nobody really knows it. Thanks for sharing, keep you head up high not because of who you are, but because of whose you are.
<3