Ohmy. I can't believe it's been a year since DTS started. It has flown by so fast, but it feels like just yesterday I was walking into the Manor all groggy from 20 hours of flying! As cliche, as it may sound, I am a completely different person than the one that stepped off that plane a year ago. And in so many ways I never would have expected. Gah! I miss it so much!
At times I absolutely hate being home. It has been so hard. I'd much rather just be back in the YWAM bubble and take the easy way out so to speak :) But I know that's not what God has for me. I feel called to be here in Colorado this next year so I can be strong and work hard in Him. But the past couple months have been by far the darkest since being out of YWAM. Coming out of a bubble like that is hard regardless, and the staff definitely did a great job of preparing us for going home...but each person's story is different going back into normal life.
I have gone downhill a bit with being home. It seems kind of inevitable to me. After going from an environment like DTS, back into reality is quite the shock.
Although I have messed up in different areas and am not as strong as I'd like to be, I feel like God still meets me in that weakness. Something I have definitely noticed that has been a big change since being back is not feeling so hopeless. Before DTS when I was in a constant battle and honestly in a downward spiral...the thing that kept me rooted there was feeling stuck and hopeless and that God wouldn't want me and I didn't really want Him when I was like that.
Now, Even though, yeah, I digressed a bit, I know that his grace is SO sufficent for me in that. And that I'm okay and that I'm still loved no matter what I do. Nothing seperates me from Him except in my mind...and I'm learning how to overcome that. This may just be rantings...but I really feel so..accomplished in the fact that i am not burdened by and stuck in my shortcomings, but that I can make it out of them stronger than before. And that I never have to be stuck.
